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Three Weeks After I Died by ~Swim-Inside:iconSwim-Inside:



I met a boy inside the lion’s cage
of an abandoned zoo. What are you
doing here? the boy said to me
I’m dead I said, and after that we sat
in silence watching where the dark street ends,
imagining the kind of people who used to visit it
and waiting for the lion to return.
©2005-2009 ~Swim-Inside
:iconswim-inside:

Author's Comments

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:iconhephaestion:
...where the dark street ends.

That bit gave me the chills.

I think one of the posters on one of your other deviation said how he liked your lighter stuff... I'm the other way around. You have a distinctive style which raises your darker pieces above the usual 'Boo hoo, no-one understands me' type that are all too common on this site.

Like the idea of communicating in silence, too.
:iconswim-inside:
thanks man I appreciate the comment. I strive for the unusual so it was nice to hear.
:iconanarchypress:
I like this, but I suggest cutting it down some:

I met a boy inside the lion’s cage
of an abandoned zoo. What are you
doing here? the boy said to me
I’m dead I said, and after that we sat
in silence and waited for the lion to return.


It just feels sharper to me that way.

~M

--
[link]
:iconswim-inside:
I see what you're saying. I actually like a slight variation of what you've suggested which I will experiment with. Thanks again Michael.
:iconredpapermoon:
this is wonderfully, quietly desperate. or at least I think so. either way, I am quite in love with it.
:iconswim-inside:
thank you so much for such a nice comment :)
:iconkatarthis:
Aslan inspired? I agree that the "where the dark street ends" line is pretty ... chilling works, but I prefer thought provoking in this case. Sometimes it's good to pare off lines, and sometimes it isn't. As the writer you probably have the best handle on what's being said.

k

--
Be yourself. Just be. That is all you need to do to impress me.

Bless,
k
:iconswim-inside:
I'm not sure which Aslan you mean but no it was not directly inspired by him. I've actually decided to open this one up quite (line wise) a bit now that I look at it again. Thanks again.

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November 21, 2005
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