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I have you here
inside this bright oven flower
your hands like little suns
heavier than my entire life
as I walk with you above the ice.
I am afraid to drop you
afraid to lose the widowed tears
that even now rain from your lips,
like ants scurrying beneath my feet,
making the face of the lake quiver.
I call out to God my tongue burning
like a feather under your precious suns.
There is only silence in return
and I think we should sink deep into the sea
so that it might carry us home
but you are just a child
and your warmth cries No.
©2005-2009 ~Swim-Inside
:iconswim-inside:

Author's Comments

Second draft
This one is staying put ;)

Comments


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:iconcaveatlector:
"polished widows" or "windows"? that's line 7.
this one is breathtaking, but i'm having problems with imagery. mark this for further discussion when we get the chance. ;)

--
amelia
=======
"like glass shattering in a clean break
this is the arc of a mistake.
we were like kids with a shotgun
blowing up worlds 'til there were none."
-ida
:iconswim-inside:
Its meant to be widows... this is another surrealist piece...I am coming to an end with them soon I think...I'll be online for a while if you'd like to chat :)
:iconcaveatlector:
i thought, you don't often make typos, i just wanted to ask.

--
amelia
=======
"like glass shattering in a clean break
this is the arc of a mistake.
we were like kids with a shotgun
blowing up worlds 'til there were none."
-ida
:iconcaveatlector:
i like the new line, but i'm not sure it's in the right spot.

--
amelia
=======
"like glass shattering in a clean break
this is the arc of a mistake.
we were like kids with a shotgun
blowing up worlds 'til there were none."
-ida
:iconcaveatlector:
...i'm not sure it's in the wrong spot, either...

--
amelia
=======
"like glass shattering in a clean break
this is the arc of a mistake.
we were like kids with a shotgun
blowing up worlds 'til there were none."
-ida
:iconswim-inside:
I messed around with it some more and I think I found a better solution. thanks for the continued feedback
:iconcaveatlector:
i think you did, too.

--
amelia
=======
"like glass shattering in a clean break
this is the arc of a mistake.
we were like kids with a shotgun
blowing up worlds 'til there were none."
-ida
:iconannainadotteddress:
this makes something inside me shake.

it is difficult for me to comment on your writing.
words so much more often than not only mess things up.
(the commenting words I mean.)
:iconswim-inside:
thank you so much for the comment... I am always humbled at any words that my poetry might inspire in people so don't worry about messing anything up (and also don't feel that you have to comment) :) thanks again

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July 6, 2005
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